losing my friends

Written by Patrick J Turner Jr

Published on December 22nd, 2025

In February 2026 I will turn 25 years old. According to popular psychology wisdom this is the year my frontal lobe will harden into some semblance of its final form- I will be considered "mature" in the eyes of the law, my peers, and the world at large. To be honest, I haven't bothered looking into the actual science of this idea. Occasionally a post will fly by on Instagram or an article of dubious scientific accuracy will appear on a new tab in Firefox claiming that 25 is the magic age where your neuroplasticity begins to harden a bit and you can no longer blame your mistakes on being young and dumb. Truthfully, I'd rather not know the science behind it. I'd like to live in this space of popular ignorance for a time.

Regardless of if my brain will really start to change at 25 (I saw one post saying its 30 years for individuals with neurodevelopmental disorders like myself) or if its all one big hoax we've collectively convinced ourselves of, the fact remains: I'm getting older. For years when my friends would say "we're sooo old now," at inane stuff like not getting new trends or understanding gen alpha I've written it off. We're in our early 20s! It's not over! In the grand scheme of things we are so so so young and have so much time! Now that I'm largely over the hump of my early 20s and entering the mids, I'm starting to feel age show it's vampiristic fangs. This may seem trite to someone in their late 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, whatever- but I'm starting to feel it now. Getting older sucks.

No longer can I drink 10-20 beers and escape the worst a hangover has to offer. I do not recover as quickly from sickness or pains as I used to. My lower back hurts and I gain and retain weight more than ever before (some of this is on working a desk job). My vision is gradually getting worse and I can't stay out as late without feeling the full weight of tiredness dragging me to bed. I used to worry about short term stuff- homework due and what I was gonna do on the weekend- but now I worry about money and if the world will still be somewhat stable in 10-30 years. If I'll be prepared for it, if my health will be okay. If my family or friend's health will be okay. God, worst of all: I'm losing my friends.

When I was in middle school a friend told me at a sleepover that we'd be going to high school soon, that we wouldn't spend as much time together and we'd gradually drift apart. He was being a dramatic little shit, but his words haunted me. I worried so much about losing my close friends in high school, it kept my little mind racing at night. I've never done well with losing relationships. I get attached very easily and blame myself anytime a relationship goes south. I pride myself on having maintained so many friendships from across different periods in my life. I still talk to some of my oldest friends from elementary school, middle school, high school, college. The pain of the relationships I haven't been able to keep afloat still sting when I think about them now. My crew of ghosts chaining me to the past.

Inevitably growing older means losing people. People drift apart, their life goals no longer align, or distance and other commitments prevent typical relationship maintenance. Some of us are getting engaged and married. Some of us are still single and living a lifestyle now seemingly incongruous with each other. Some of us have hurt each other, done things we can't forgive. Battle lines drawn. Some of the friends I was so close to a year ago are now more distant, and I speak to them maybe a few times a year. Some of them have moved too far away and I don't know how to say "I miss you." All I have are memories of the times we were closer, and I wish I could say or do something to fix it or bring about a permanent Golden Age. I wish we all lived right down the street from each other. That we could go eat lunch, watch movies, hang out together every day. Wouldn't it be wonderful?

For my 25th birthday I plan to invite a bunch of my friends over, much the same way as I did for my 23rd birthday party. I want to bask in the love and joy of my chosen family as we drink and eat and catch up, reminiscing on old times. For just one night, I can have my wish granted. In town for one night only! What more could I possibly want? Maybe afterwards I'll be hungover. Parts of my brain will have turned to stone as I cross one of the final thresholds of adulthood and become something, someone different than I was before. My connections may fade over time. The ties that bind us growing taut and snapping with force. But we'll always have that one night. We'll always be there, together, for just a moment in time. Never growing older, never growing bitter. All My Friends, together at last.