tomorrow and thereafter

Written by Patrick J Turner Jr

Published on April 16th, 2026

So a lot has happened since I last wrote here. I thought about writing several updates sooner but neglected to. I often still alternate between thinking writing these is worthwhile and feeling intense shame at having a personal blog on the public facing internet. Today I'm leaning more towards the former.

The new year came and went and now we're in 2026 I guess. Janis and I moved into our new apartment. Moving in wasn't so bad, but I was quickly reminded why the process of unpacking and finding new furniture makes me mental. I absolutely despise clutter and disorder. We had a couple small snows come through town. Nothing as substantial as last year. Mostly ice. Just enough to make people panic and to interrupt my plans to do things two weekends in a row. Luckily, we did find a new couch on Facebook Marketplace (only reason I haven't wiped my Facebook account yet) right before the first snow hit. So we had that going for us at least.

As February rolled along we finally got settled into the new apartment, gradually finding new furniture and unpacking stuff where we could. I had planned my birthday party right on the weekend of the 21st. The stars had perfectly aligned and everyone would be available. Even my friends from out of town would be able to make it! What a treat! My only fear was fitting 30 or so people into our apartment and keeping the noise to a minimum.

Unfortunately, fate had other plans. A week before the party was set to happen, Janis received news of her grandmother's passing. The funeral would have to be on my birthday. Janis briefly suggested she could go on her own, but what kind of asshole boyfriend would I be if I let her do that? It wasn't even a question really, of course I was going to be there to support her. To be honest, I was frustrated at this development. I mean, who wouldn't be, but I felt in the back of my mind that this seemed like some sort of divine test. My Baptist upbringing putting in the work all these years later. It was even worse learning that one of my friends was set to fly in to surprise me for the party. Another was in town for just that weekend, and yet another was set to move the next weekend. The 21st was the perfect day, and it felt as though the universe was denying me my wish.

Ultimately, everyone was very understanding and supportive of the party being rescheduled. In tough times like that it makes all the difference in the world to know you're loved and supported by so many. Luckily I even got to see my friends who would only be in town the weekend of the 21st and celebrate a little with them when we got back from the funeral. I got to support Janis and her family during a difficult time. In a way, postponing to the next weekend actually helped to ease my fears around having so many people over at once too. It all worked out. Maybe it always does.

The actual party was done with a little less decoration than we had originally planned (it was supposed to be a Twin Peaks/David Lynch themed party) but we had a great time anyway. I got to bounce between conversations with all my dearest friends, drinking and laughing all the way. Only downside of having so many friends over is I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted with any one of them on their own. Oh well. That's how hosting goes sometimes. It was nice to break in the new apartment with such a big party. Especially after the isolation of this past winter.

The party and the warmer weather sort of gave me a sense of renewal. I suddenly had more plans to go out and do things with friends again without snow or apartment stuff getting in the way. I started taking a portrait photography class to learn new skills. I joined a game night with one of my childhood friends. I went to a Machine Girl concert and got thrown around in the center of the mosh pit for around 4 hours straight. It was awesome. I feel so alive, moving my body, going out with friends, and feeling new experiences again.

Taken moments before getting thrown around in the pit.

At the end of March I finally enacted my plan to propose to Janis. I've had the ring for her since the beginning of December 2025. I showed it to her mom on the morning of Christmas Eve. For most of February I planned out the finer details of exactly how I would present it to her. I knew we wanted it to be in Boone, NC where we met, but the details of where, when, and how were not yet clear to me.

I decided on booking us a room at the Horton Hotel on King St- a lovely hotel renovated to look somewhere between art deco and log cabin in terms of aesthetics. It being right in the center of Boone made it a great option to easily walk to shops and restaurants around town. The rooftop bar there is also pretty cool. We had considered doing a trip in May, when Janis had the month off from work but decided to do a trip in March as a much needed vacation for the both of us. I was glad to shift the time table up two months earlier too. I'd been sitting on the ring too long and it was making me anxious keeping it hidden.

Next, I knew I wanted to propose in a scenic place around golden hour to get some good photos. It would need to be somewhere accessible (not a hike), but somewhere off the beaten path enough to give us an intimate moment. I knew it should be somewhere on the Blue Ridge Parkway, but hadn't settled on where- even up until the day of. I wanted to allow enough flexibility in case of rain or crowds on any given overlook. Fate was kind to me, and despite some cooler than expected weather and people milling about, when the time came Thunder Hill delivered everything I could have ever hoped for and more.

We were dressed up in nice outfits and I brought my camera along to take photos. Initially, I had considered hiring a photographer to take surprise photos of the moment, but then decided I could manage it on my own using a timer and tripod. Thank god I was right and they all turned out nicely, otherwise we would have been disappointed with not having the moment captured. I took lots of photos, including some of us facing away from the camera at the marvelous view. Then, around the time the sun was at the perfect spot, I set the camera to record video and I walked up to her and got down on one knee.

She started crying immediately and I hardly got the words out of my mouth before she said yes and put the ring on her finger. I had an idea of what I wanted to say, but like always, I only managed to stumble out the words. I wasn't worried about her saying no or anything- we'd been talking about proposal and ring preferences for months. I guess when the moment actually arrives it's just hard to put it into words that seem to match the importance.

All that mattered was that it went off without a hitch and Janis was so happy with her ring. I got a grass stain on the knee of my pants from kneeling for a bit lol. We got a few more pictures and she called her mom and a few friends as we packed up to make our dinner reservation. A couple people parked on the overlook cheered for us. It felt surreal to be congratulated by strangers, and I suppose it still does even now as I've gotten somewhat used to it. I didn't expect how much getting engaged changes the way people see you. Even, maybe especially, the people you know.

Taken moments before proposing.

We went to our favorite restaurant for dinner. The Local, over on Howard St. We had our favorite meals there and shared our first drinks together as each other's fiancée. We couldn't stop admiring the ring on her finger. Things felt so different all of a sudden, like we had crossed a threshold and become something new together. A step towards a binding union. After dinner we went stargazing and just talked for hours about how happy we were and what ideas we had about the wedding. What a perfect day.

The rest of that weekend was filled with trips to lovely spots around the mountains. We got to celebrate with a few friends and family. I think one of the more haunting parts of the weekend was when we visited the App State campus. Janis said hello to some professors and a few of the people in the theater department she still knew. I wandered around my old study hall and got the same coffee I used to drink when banging my head against coding problems for hours.

It struck me how little it had all changed. Same halls, same professors, sure the students were new but they're the same in spirit. By contrast, I felt I had changed so much in the 4 years since I've graduated. Even more so now that we got engaged. I briefly considered the things I might do differently now if I was enrolled, compared to then. Maybe I'd be a better student now. Meh, doesn't matter anyway. I have no regrets and I'm happy with who I've become since then. The life I've built since then. It was sort of profound to have to confront a previous chapter of my life as a new one opens.

The dust has largely settled since then. We've settled back into life as normal since Easter break. April has been moving right along. The euphoria of our engagement has sort of worn off and made way for the realism of actually planning wedding stuff and the stress of considering the logistics that come with it. I can't help but to worry. Always was an anxious kid.

In the background of this jubilance, the US and Israeli governments commit atrocities half a world away in the name of national security and liberty as billions of dollars of taxpayer money is gobbled up by the war machine. We are led by genocidal maniacs who no longer seem to be interested in paying even lip service to the idea of making life better for people anymore. Everyone I talk to across the political spectrum feels a sort of aching hopelessness.

I still have to go into the office daily, burning increasingly expensive fuel to get there just to sit around and hope for customers to call in. I read the news in the down time and feel more and more demoralized. Will our outlook change, or are things just supposed to keep getting worse forever?

The Earth spins and we break new heat records for Spring. Hottest since last year, or the year before. In North Carolina we have had maybe only a day or two of rain all month. The state is on a burn ban due to dry conditions set to spread wildfires. The retention pond outside my apartment is a little lower than usual. Month old pine pollen is caked to the ground. Raleigh announced stage one water restrictions today due to drought conditions. It might rain a little next week. Near the end of the month. So much for April showers.

I am scared for the future. I am scared to start a family in a world that seems to be getting only more unstable. I fear the day things break. When suffering becomes commonplace and material conditions worsen for all but the most fortunate (more than they already are currently). I don't know what the world will look like in two years or more, or what my place in it will be. I don't know what will happen tomorrow and thereafter.

Despite it all, getting engaged and marrying Janis is the only thing that makes sense. She is the rock that ties me down and makes any part of this whole crazy world make sense. In the face of seemingly infinite amounts of hate and despair, indulging Love seems to be the only logical answer. As long as we're together it'll all work out. Maybe it always does.